Bullying in our Schools

©Karen Martin, 10/98, 1/99. All rights reserved.
[this letter includes a response to it from another site visitor; see link at end of Jean's response]

Dear Jean:

I have a son, age 12, in the 7th grade. He is small for his age, so he is picked on a lot. What troubles me is that about one month ago, he was being picked on by the group of boys that sat with him at lunch in school. They were destroying his lunch just about every day. I called the school and asked if they could please check out the situation and change his seat if necessary, without the other children knowing that he told his mother, as I would not want to make the situation worse. The school did do that and he did get a new seating arrangement in lunch. Now the new group of kids are picking on him including jabbing him in the ribs to the point that it hurts, pushing him off of the seat, etc. He is now showing signs that he does not want to go to school because of this teasing. How do I go about helping him stand up for himself, or help to protect him in this environment. The way school violence is today, I also am scared for him. If he stands up for himself, he may really get hurt, or punished by the school system, as it would be his luck. Please help me out with some suggestions ASAP.
Thanks,

Jean responds:

Hi,
Thanks for visiting www.parentingadolescents.com and for your question.

You are not alone! Just the other day I received a letter from a parent with a similar problem, and there have been others, before, who have written about their child's being teased or bullied at school! What the heck is going on? It stinks that a kid his age should have to have this experience!

Really, I think unless parents band together and take a stand with their schools about such issues, the schools are unlikely to address the problem systematically. Some school districts, in response to the rash of school shootings, have instituted formal programs on bullying, with a "zero tolerance" policy for this kind of behavior.

I guess maybe I'd start with his school counselor, if there is one, to discuss whether something idiosyncratic about your son's behavior keeps enticing other boys to pick on him... BUT: I wouldn't let the school off the hook! Even if your son is shy, or whatever, or looks different (as you say, he is small), the school has a responsibility to expend every effort to make the environment SAFE, through educating and holding responsible all the kids that attend, with respect to bullying and teasing.

I hope you will find another parent or someone at the school to unite with you in insisting that your school get its act together in this area of policy. Get their attention! Insist that the school has a responsibility to put an end to bullying, at least during school hours, and ask what they're doing to address this issue on behalf of ALL their students!

You can research this on the web, by starting at the ERIC site:
http://eric-web.tc.columbia.edu/administration/safety

One resource I found this way is a pamphlet on bullying in schools, published by the US Dept. of Education--it is called, "Preventing Bullying: A Manual for Schools and Communities," available at: http://www.ed.gov/pubs/edpubs.html [search on bullying in schools]. It is free. Here's an abstract of what the Manual is about:

"Title: Preventing Bullying: A Manual for Schools and Communities

Abstract: Addresses the problem of bullying in schools. This pamphlet defines bullying, discusses the seriousness of this behavior and the effectiveness of a comprehensive approach, and presents strategies for teachers, students, and parents to use when dealing with bullying situations. It also provides examples of innovative and successful approaches used by schools in different parts of the country."

You can find out what other school districts have done, as well as what other measures parents and schools can take.

Good luck in your fight for your son to get a decent education in our public schools!

Jean.

Disclaimer: Ms. Walbridge's response to your question is intended to be educational and informative. It is not a substitute for face to face consultation or psychotherapy with a mental health professional.

[See the response to this question sent by another site visitor.]

[This page may be printed out for personal use. It may be duplicated for distribution only with Jean Walbridge's or Karen Martin's permission. All print-outs must bear the copyright statement & URL at the top of the page.]

Obtained with permission on March 9, 2006 from http://www.parentingadolescents.com/bullying%20.html